Personally, I spent a lot of years dreading and hating Christmas.
I find that the holidays are like a certain current American president. You either love ’em, or you hate ’em.
But it wasn’t until I did some deep inner work that I found out the real reason I hated the holidays.
If this resonates with you, and you also dread Christmas, then make sure to read until the end of this article so I can show you how to start enjoying the holidays.
My Earliest Christmas Memory
Like many other Grinch stepmoms, moms, dads, and stepdads, I originally thought I hated Christmas because of a bad Christmas memory. Here’s mine:
I vividly remember being about 6 years old. At this point, I still think Christmas is awesome. I love singing Christmas carols. I love seeing everyone’s beautiful decorations and twinkly lights. It’s magical. I’m 6, and Christmas is still magical.
Until one afternoon, a nice volunteer from the Christmas Bureau (a Christmas Toy Donation program for low-income families) comes to our house. The volunteer comes in with a big bag. There are presents inside. One for me, and one for each of my sisters. The wrapping paper is kind of like brown lunch bag paper, and it’s speckled with green and red spots.
The nice volunteer gives the bag of speckled-paper presents to my mom, and then she leaves.
I don’t see the gifts again until Christmas morning when my mom passes my present to me. I read a label that says “Girl, 4-8.”
I’m confused. Why isn’t my own name on it?
Ah, well. Santa will have put my name on his present.
I ask Mom for Santa’s present.
Mom tells me that the speckled-paper present is from Santa.
But I remember the lady who dropped off the bag of speckled-paper presents. And she was, most certainly, not Santa Claus.
And in that moment, all the magic of Christmas escapes my 6-year-old self. I’m caught somewhere between figuring out the truth about Santa, and in thinking that maybe I just wasn’t good enough that year to get a present from him.
And I continue to carry that feeling about hating Christmas with me, from the time I’m 6 and the magic of Christmas escapes me…
From the time I’m 6, I start to believe that I’m not good enough to deserve presents…
And I carry that feeling with me until I’m 30.
Only after I pulled up the root of what, exactly about Christmas made me feel so disgusting, (and after making sure to sabotage a few Christmases myself. Sorry, babe…) could I replace that rotten old root with something beautiful.
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It’s Not Christmas, It’s Self-Worth
So if you’re still reading this, then you probably know the feeling I’m talking about. You’re probably familiar with that big knot in your belly and butterflies in your heart, just waiting for Christmas day to be over so you can go back to the rest of your life & continue to believe that you’re not good enough to receive gifts or money or love.
So while I thought that the reason I continued hating Christmas into my adulthood was because “it was a waste of money,” the truth is…
It was never about Christmas being a waste of money. It was about holding onto a story that I was just not good enough to receive good things.
I told you at the beginning of this post that I’d show you how to start enjoying the holidays… and truthfully, if you’re like most people who have spent a lifetime hating Christmas, then the reason you don’t enjoy the holidays probably has to do with how much you love yourself.
Enjoying the holidays is all about believing you’re worthy of receiving goodness. Of receiving joy. Being treasured. Being celebrated.
It’s so simple that most people miss it, but the honest to goodness simple truth is this:
In order to live a life that feels good, you have to, have to, have to believe you deserve to feel good. (You can book in for a Free 1-Hour Discovery Session with me HERE to find out just how to do that…)
In order to experience all the warm fuzzies that come along with twinkling lights and Christmas carols and how everywhere you go, you seem to smell hot chocolate — you first have to allow yourself to believe that you’re good enough to enjoy those things.
Christmas is magical.
You are magical.
And no speckle-papered presents are allowed to take that away from you.
(PS – a heartfelt thank you to all volunteers and people who donate to causes outside of themselves during the holidays and any other time of the year.)
